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Bad is good.
By mathurst, 26-Oct-2011 19:45:00
Michael Jackson said he was bad. He said it to mean he was actually very cool, rather than to confess to any kind of untoward or deviant behaviour. Youths refer to things as ‘The Bomb’ if they perceive them to be very good. Bombs are bad, M’kay? Dope is apparently no longer drugs, but a shiny new set of alloys on an otherwise dreadful old car.
My cousin is 18 and recently told me that he loves Suitcase Time, but (and I quote) “Man, you sound old.” He falls into a rare category of youths that I don’t detest, so I am going to up my cred (credibility) with these new phrases that I am inventing now. You saw it here first (in a likely context):
“Man, that was Apocalypse!”
“Dude, your new tattoo is climate change.”
“Have you seen Dave’s new trainers? They are totally groin strain.”
"Mum, this dessert is hernia."
"I just saw this totally Hepatitis B car."
"The new Nintendo Playbox 1080 has terrorist graphics."
So, Toby - with your trainers and your hair and your music, tell me that I still sound old.
0 Comments
(It's good...)
Suitcase Time
My brain is full. A stark realisation, but I am 83% certain that it is true. I am able to learn new things, but it means that they are replacing things that I knew before. I cannot buy more memory, for I am not a computer, so I have decided to write down my thoughts in an effort to maintain them, as well as take on new knowledge. I will dub this enterprising endeavour "Suitcase time."
I don't know this guy, but he makes my blog look official
Get in touch
If you are moved by the poetry that I am writing, feel free to contact me:
mathurst@mail.com
mathurst
mathurst
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Comments
...or she wants something?
Thanks Rachel. You are obviously very clever.
Love it, love it, love it. Suitcase time has become my motivation to get out of bed every morning. GENIUS!
Love it, love it, love it. Suitcase time has become my motivation to get out of bed every morning. GENIUS!
You luckily have a few years before the mortifying day when someone offers you their seat because you're SO OLD. That's not fun either and leaves you wondering whether it's worth being recognised as decrepit just to have a seat for 2 underground stations.
I am working on the payment situation. If you buy one I will hand deliver it, post-it note and all. I will also take BOGOF into consideration for members. It will only be available in the secret area... I've already said too much.
I'd buy one of your artworks if
a) you did BOGOF
b) the 'add to basket' button worked
In the meantime I'll have a rummage under your old bed to see what moneyspinners you left behind. Well done for not adding on P&P.
What does it all mean...Can Suitcase Time answer the fundamental questions of philosophy, religion and effective U-bend solutions?
Woody Allen once said "Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends".
Taking this to be a profound insight into the human condition I did, eventually, get a plumber in over the weekend - but still, after the bankruptcy hearings were finally at an end, spiritual enlightenment remained elusive.
Your blog "Suitcase Time", however, has proved to be far more powerful in addressing the big existential questions about life, the universe and plumbing. After reading it for the first time, I smashed the aforementioned plumber in face with a steel chair and this immediately opened up to me a new world of peace and enlightenment. No doubt this was your intention all along, so I wanted to send you a personal message of thanks and appreciation, along with this invoice for £4,712 care of Pimlico Plumbers.
I look forward, with a deep and strange yearning, to further profound and uplifting content in the next instalment – and if eliminating limescale from those awkward showerhead nozzles can be mentioned then we will be holding true to the deepest principles of the Dalia Lama, who says ‘I may be a smiley bald man in a bright-orange dress – but I am buggered if I am going to put up with shoddy showering facilities.’